"The Bird Otherwise Known as Rooster" Soup

Wordless Wednesday is not amused, but I’m still giggling.

She went online and copied this photo.

The Billy Joel-loving Big Puppy turned 23 recently, so Mooch took it upon herself to make him a card that was much more suitable than anything those amateurs at Hallmark were hawking.

The details kill me: the forelock and eyelids, in particular.

Glossary:

lahg   =   laugh

I have a column up on Funny not Slutty today about the show I love to hate: American Idol.  Hollywood Week got so crazy, it went to Vegas.  And what happens in Vegas, well, I know how the saying’s supposed to go, but American Idol is such a fame whore that I’m sure it won’t mind if I dredge up the gory details.

To wash out our brains, I bring you another book report by Moochie.  This one’s on Skippyjohn Jones and the Big Bones.  If you aren’t acquainted with Skippyjohn, he’s a Siamese cat who thinks he’s a chihuahua who thinks he’s a superhero.

This book is about Skippyjon Jones haveing a dinsor advencher but it’s really his imagonashin.  First Skippyjon Jones stole a copel bones to cover someting.  After that he went in his clothet.  Slame! went the door.  Last He had an advencher with his chu wow wow friends.  Finelly he was done with his advenchur.  My favorite part was when Skippyjon Jones barked, “RRRRRRRRRRRRRRuffffffff!” to the big bone t-rex.

Glossary:

dinsor   =  dinosaur

copel     =  couple (of)

clothet  =  closet (kid’s got a lisp; what can I say?)

Slame!  = Slam!

chu wow wow =  chihuahua

Related articles

• American Idol Goes To Las Vegas Baby! (ksfm.radio.com)
• ‘American Idol’: Deandre Brackensick, Jessica Sanchez early frontrunners for hairography, cuteness (popwatch.ew.com)
• Is That Steven Tyler or Huggy Bear*? (kablooeyquest.net)

“Sure, ma’am.  They’re right next to the beef wings.”

This post brought to you by (relatively) Wordless Wednesday.

This book is about sharks but, THEY’RE 3D.  IT LOOKES LIKE A SHARK IS EATING ME!  This book rimides me of when my mom went scubadiveing.  Ther are a lot of funny lookend sharks.  Did you know ther was such thing as a bullhead shark? Thers unuther shark called a wobbegong.  Me and my mom thogh this book was intrasting.

What?  You think I’m referring to that game with the oblong ball that Madonna’s singing at?  The event which put the phrase “wardrobe malfunction” into popular use?  That day for which 1.25 billion chicken wings* are sold? Nope!

It’s World Nutella Day 2012! (If you are one of my elite tens of followers, you know I hate exclamation points, but what is more important than that thick, silky, chocolatey spread?  For Nutella, I break open the lockbox of exclamation points I keep hidden under my desk.)

*  Seriously.  This stat came directly from The National Chicken Council.  (Yeah, I know; I didn’t know they existed either.)  The jokes just write themselves, don’t they?  I’d have thought they’d have all been hiding under their desks, afraid to poke their beaks out and count wings, but I was wrong.

PS: Thanks to Mardi at eat. live. travel. write , for always remembering to alert me to this most holy of days, which somehow passes without note on my date book.   C’mon, Staples, you mention Eastern Orthodox Lent, National Boss Day and Boxing Day, which isn’t even a holiday in this country, but somehow bypass World (!) Friggin’ Nutella Day?!  Priorities!

Whew.  Those exclamation points really take a lot out of me.

Related articles

• Who needs the Super Bowl when you have World Nutella Day? (writingyourdestiny.com)
• Celebrate World Nutella Day: Coupon and Homemade Nutella Recipes (faithfulprovisions.com)
• Macarons craqueles noisette-chocolat for World Nutella Day 2012 (eatlivetravelwrite.com)

My new column is up at one of my favorite places, Funny not Slutty, so please go check it out.  I’m going to report on the most ridiculous moments of American Idol (that is, if enough people read and do not hate the first installment).  If you watch the show, I think you’ll love the column.  And if you don’t (because you’re young and cool?), there must be some middle-aged woman in your life with which you want to find common ground.  Use me as a cheat sheet because:

I’m Watching American Idol, So You Don’t Have To

 *

Huggy Bear was a pimp/informant played by Antonio Fargas on the old Starsky and Hutch TV show .  Snoop Dogg played him in the movie.

Related articles

• There Is A Wolf On American Idol! (wycd.radio.com)
• Steven Tyler Messes Up National Anthem at Patriots Game (binsidetv.net)
• Jennifer Diley Calls BS on Steven Tyler, American Idol (thehollywoodgossip.com)

Penguins:

Did you know that there was 3 tipes of penguins that could fly in this book but… they are not penguins anymore?  In this book there are 10 tipes or you mite say speeshes of penguins.  Penguins have 3 animes they are… seals killer whales and sperm whales.  If I was a pengin I would jump instead of wadel.

Moochie Glossary:

speeshes:    species

animes:      enemies

wadel:        waddle