Unscrewupable Pesto, Part 2: Broccoli Rabe Pesto

When my pesto “recipe” was part of Funny not Slutty’s Food Week, I said you couldn’t screw this recipe up unless you used poison ivy.  Last night I tried another variation, and it too was delicious.  And since I remembered what a pain in the ass it is to use a blender to make more than a tiny amount of pesto, I pulled out my broken, uni-bladed, hand-me-down food processor.  So. Much. Easier.  (But now I do need to buy a new food processor, because that one needs to be allowed to die with dignity.)

In an effort to prove my hypothesis that:

Pesto* = Green, Leafy Stuff + Oil + Garlic + Cheese

I tried making pesto with a head of broccoli rabe. It worked!  If you’re like me and are incapable of following recipes, don’t sweat.  Despite the approximate quantities listed below, I actually measured NOTHING.  I just threw things (raw) into the food processor.  (Remember fearful ones: there’s no recipe jail.)  Again, you can’t mess this up.

The Pesto:

1 bunch broccoli rabe

1/2 cup basil (I would have used more basil, but I only have two plants in my garden and I didn’t want to strip them naked.  We have people coming over and they’d have been embarrassed.)

1/2 cup arugula

5 cloves garlic

1/2 cup olive oil (Mine was an extra virgin, poor girl.) ((Mom, stop reading.)) (((Does that mean she didn’t even masturbate?))) ((((Oh, eww.  I was referring to the extra virgin, not my mother.))))

1/2 cup grated parmesan (NOT out of the can.  I’m serious.)

Pasta with Broccoli Rabe Pesto and Shrimp:

1 box whole wheat pasta (but use what you want)

14 oz. cooked, peeled, tail-on shrimp (16-20 size) (because that’s what I got on sale; chicken would be fine too)

6 oz. pesto, above

8 oz grape tomatoes

2 oz. goat cheese

salt and pepper to taste

Mix everything up.  Serve with grated parmesan and (if you like the spicy) red pepper flakes on the side.

* Author’s Note: I’m not trying to give your italian grandma a heart attack.  Real Genovese Italian pesto always uses basil and pine nuts.  That’s why I added the asterisk.  These modern spins on pesto are tainted pestos.  Like the steroid era home run hitters, they can be viewed by purists with disdain.  Then again, I don’t think my tens of followers include many italian grandmas nor culinary purists.   You guys all swing a little, right?

** Author’s Other Note: Feel free to add more cheese and olive oil.  I use less oil because I add more as I need it, depending upon who’s eating and what I use the pesto for.  And we’re all cheese adders, so I let that happen at the table.

Tagged as: easy pesto recipe, funny blogger, Funny not Slutty Food Week, Funny not Stutty: Bite Me!, funnynotslutty, Pesto, pesto formula, pesto pasta shrimp recipe, Recipe, unscrewupable pesto recipe, Whole-Wheat Pasta with Broccoli Rabe