When I get suckered into shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond by their free-love coupon policy (use as many as you want at once, expired ones are fine, etc.,) I always regret it. Here’s why:
"Take me to your leader."
- I’m listed in The Guinness Book under: “Consecutive Trips to Bed, Bath & Beyond Without Being Able to Locate the Exit.”
- They obviously take returns of defective appliances, slap some packing tape across the top, and restock them. I’ve had to return too many things for it to be coincidental. It’s either a restocking issue or gremlins; you draw your own conclusion.
- Their vast As Seen On TV display somehow suckers me in, despite the fact that I have never bought one of these products while watching their infomercials. I now own Strap Perfect bra clips, Sham-Wow towels and, after my most recent Bed, Bath & Beyond mental breakdown, the stupid, superfluous, tacky, Earth-destroying plastic Butter Boy.*
Why, why, why, why, WHY did I buy Butter Boy??
Why won't they touch the corn? Is it radioactive? Why the elaborate precautions?
I survived 48 years on the planet deftly buttering my own cobs. Why did I become convinced I needed the little green gremlin to butter corn? How does that store make me surrender all semblance of reason?
* AUTHOR’S NOTE OF CAUTION: The green, plastic, butter holding alien is the Butter Boy. I’m not linking because I’m trying to perform a consumer service, here. It’s a waste of money. But if you feel compelled to get one, make sure you google Butter Boy, because Boy Butter is an entirely different product.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
You should not feel badly for caving in; I am completely guilty of buying from the “As Seen On TV” milieu. See 2007 purchase of Ped Egg. I am also now a slave to Guthy-Renker, starting with Wen, which is freaking addictive and now moving on to either Meaningful Beauty or Principal Secret.
I think you should fight fire with fire and make a butter boy holder, so that no one has to touch the thing that touches the food, and then you can make a butter boy holder holder, and so on ad infinitum, until you explode their minds, and THAT, my dear, will be your final revenge.
PS: Your post is really funny.
@smooshiest: you lost me st Ped Egg. Clearly, I’m an amateur. Guthy who? I’m not going back to the Beyond, so I may have to Google.
@diamond: this is EXACTLY the kind of thing Mooch and I always talk/joke about. Ever since the Elmo Goes to the Potty book she had, which featured Elmo hOlding a copy of the very book she was reading, she’s been into that kind of endless regression. I’m also a fan of the very unsanitary toilet reading.
Heh heh.
Not to get too graphic, but this is called a Butter Boy?
Surely looks more like a Butter Girl.
Aren’t those nipples?
hee hee
aaaand here is the part where I thought he was kind of cute the other day…relieved I didn’t ask him out…just kept walking!
Those are eyes, Quirk. I think you gotta get out more.
OH my gosh. How I needed a good laugh. And especially loved the PS to your mother.
Oh my. What WILL they think of next. Wait, maybe I don’t want to know!!!